In my life, something is always a race. It's sort of always been that way. I raced to get my belly button pierced first, to get the first tattoo in my grade, to get on the Homecoming ballot, and then the Prom ballot.......first to skydive, first to get a season-ending injury, first to win the arts and literature award. Race race race.
But today I am realizing something a little different.
I don't feel as obligied to race when I am in a relationship. It is like a natural body-slower. I start spending my energy racing to get deeper into the relationship than, say, trying to get my homework done first or get a 100% on my first set of midterms....
....it seems like its a race to fall in love. Other things don't matter quite as much when your time is spent shared with someone else that simply enjoys your company. Now I'm not saying im in love, or even that I want to be, but I AM saying that having a boy around really has thrown my energy on a different trajectory. I wouldn't say I'm moving in a different direction either. The same direction, a different path. The two run parallel, and make me wonder how many parallel paths to my life there are? How many different routes eventually lead me to the same destination?
It's a question of free-will or determinism i suppose. A question left unanswered for millenum despite an ongoing quest for its answer....
Jean
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